Have you ever heard the devil speak? Well, I didn’t think I had, until Wednesday night.
So, long story short, about two and a half years ago I got really ill. Through the time of my illness, my faith was left very shakey, close to destroyed. It’s not that I ever believed that God wasn’t good, just somehow throughout the time of my illness, I started to believe the lie that this good God just didn’t extend his goodness to me.
My illness in a nutshell, basically, we all have two kidneys and these wee boyos do some really important work in the body. And we can’t live without them but one kidney can and will do the job of two. How strange that God would design us with two. Eh?!
So one of my kidneys got really poorly and stopped functioning properly. Usually when this happens it shrivels up and dies but mine didn’t. Mine acted as a sess pool and gathered waste and caused horrible infection and pain.
My medical teams were baffled for a long time and, at times, they even thought at one stage that I may have been imagining my symptoms. It was a horrible time, but once they understood the issue, after an initial failed repair job, they whipped that bad boy out and for a full year I had experienced good health…. until a few weeks ago. That old familiar pain returned, which I recognised as kidney pain, only this time I don’t have a spare one to fall back on. In the hospital, my worst fear was confirmed. That good kidney, and only kidney, was now poorly too and they found an obstruction which could affect the drainage of my kidney.
However, this time I refused to believe any lies that God wasn’t all over this and I was able to rest in his peace and was adamant that this was not going to shake my renewed steadfast faith. As I awaited tests, I very much put it to the back of my mind and not give thought to the possible diagnosis or the implications that would have on my health.
““I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!”
John 14:27 TPT
My test appointment came around, for this Thursday. Still, there wasn’t any unnecessary worry. Until on Wednesday night. While in bed, a friend text to wish me all the best for the scan. In their message, they asked how I was feeling. I quickly replied that I was feeling good. My friend then replied that my faith was inspiring. Just then I heard it. Clear as if someone was lying beside me in bed. What I heard was, don’t you think you are being a bit naive. Haha you won’t see this set back coming! ( this sounded very much like my own thoughts)
Now I’d love to tell you I dismissed it instantly but I didn’t. I gave that old devil free reign of my thoughts for the next ten minutes. I thought, am I being silly? Is this faith or just stupidity? Am I just a silly girl? What if my test reveals something really bad and I haven’t even suspected it in my stupidly? What if I get really poorly again? Shouldn’t I prepare my heart for the possibility of disappointment? On and on it went. Eventually, I got to sleep but a car alarm woke me just after 4am, after a crazy dream in which I was getting a selfie in front of an enormous moon with a baby which accidentally set on fire and saved without the onlookers even breaking a sweat… I know right unpack that head melt! haha
In my very early awakeness, I was able to spend my time reading my Bible and spend proper relaxed time in my daily devotional, through which God clearly spoke to me about placing my hope and trust in him. The word that popped out was endurance, which that evening was confirmed when my sister-in-law very randomly and for the first time ever sent me a scripture with her daily read from another text in the bible with the same message of endurance.
Does this mean I know all is fine with my kidney? Nope, it does not. But I know that God went to great lengths to assure me he was with me and that all he requires of me is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep clinging to him, keep focused on him.
The car alarm, the scripture, the message from my sister-in-law, my peace, these are all God saying to me I’m with you, Terri. You matter to me. You’re important to me. So often we dismiss these as mere coincidences; let me tell you there is no coincidence in the kingdom of God.
“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”
Psalms 23:4 NLT
Let’s get better at dismissing the devil and his ugly little whispers in the still of the night. Let’s get better at seeing and hearing GOD in the midst of our trials and not only saying, “Oh thank you God”, when things go good or are going our way. Let’s not only recognise God in our happiness. Let’s recognise God in the confusion, in the doubt, in the fear, in the worry, in the unknown, in tragedy, in sorrow, in stress. He is always there, he never leaves us. The enemy lies just drown out God’s truth.
Let’s start to seek God in all circumstances.
let’s, Let the devil know not today, Not ever again.