A little something different this week. I sat down the other night, feeling a bit weary from a very minor case of rejection. I was feeling lost and I thought it was best I take it to God in prayer and not to let it fester too long. I felt like the enemy was crouching nearby ready to pounce out with his magnifying glass and make my small scratch a huge, big, deep, gaping wound.
It would be pretty standard for me to write out my prayers to God, almost like letters. I find this to be a really good practice, especially when at times the going gets tough or it doesn’t look like my prayers are being answered, and I get to look back and remember. Oh, how silly that particular prayer was. Or, wow, I’m sure glad God didn’t answer that. Believe me. I’m so especially thankful today that it’s God who calls the shots around here and not me because I have gone after (in prayer) some pretty stupid stuff in my time.
So this week as I sat down to tell God about this little hurt in my heart and give this over to him and allow him to replace it with his truth, as I sat writing to God, these words fell onto the page.
And well, honestly, I believe God doesn’t put this kind of stuff on your heart to stay hidden. So with a considerable chunk of courage, here is very vulnerable Me.
I just feel out of place.
I just feel I don’t belong, like there is no place for me. Like somehow I got here by mistake, or maybe it’s all a dream. Not like a good dream, but not even a bad! Some day’s it’s happy and others it’s sad. I’m not angry, hurt, in pain or depressed. I don’t feel I’ve problems to get off my chest.
There is just this gut feeling, a niggle something is wrong. That there is something they are hiding like I just don’t belong. Was that a look? What’s that glare? Could what they are saying be, who is she over there? I’ve had this feeling for most of my life. Like I’m just waiting for my cover to blow and expose this phoney below.
But one day I met Jesus, he said come take my hand. For you are my princess and I’ve a mighty plan. My sweet, I know what you’re feeling from deep in your heart, but I think it’s time that we make a new start. I see all your worries all your stress and your strain. Do you know? I understand what it’s like to suffer this pain.
I know that you’re weary from all these negative thoughts, Here’s what’s I’ll give you I will trade the lot! My precious, my lovely, my beautiful girl. My heart is to see all your broken, repaired. You have value, you’re worthy, the apple of my eye, let’s sit down together. Let me give you a crown.
Know this, that together with me you can do it all. I’ll strengthen your weakness and, through me, you’ll move on. You’ll conquer these mountains and Giants will fall.
To the end of the ocean I promise to be, There is nowhere you’ll go that you aren’t with me. I saw you before you were able to breathe. Every day of your life I’ve always overseen.
Just rest in my presence. I want you to see that all along your place was always here with me.
For me, these words reminded me of my identity. That my identity, the what I am, why am here, and where I belong, is not found in the things of this world. It’s not the circumstances around me. It’s not the people in my life, it’s not how I look or how well I perform. It’s not where I live or what job I have or what I own. Because all these things are subject to change and they can change for the better or the worse in a split second. Circumstances change. People come and go in our lives. Families change; the older generation pass on and a new generation is added. Looks most definitely are subject to change and there will be days you do something well and others not so. No job has a lifetime guarantee, and your bank balance could change overnight. All these are subject to change but God IS NOT, he is the same God today, tomorrow and always.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”
Hebrews 13:8 NLT
My identity is found in Christ my Saviour. I love this bit my Pastor said right before he baptised me, he said. “from the foundation of the world, God dreamt of the day he would call you his beloved Daughter.”
The Apostle Paul writes from his prison cell in the book of Philippians
“Yet all of the accomplishments that I once took credit for, I’ve now forsaken them and I regard it all as nothing compared to the delight of experiencing Jesus Christ as my Lord! To truly know him meant letting go of everything from my past and throwing all my boasting on the garbage heap. It’s all like a pile of manure to me now, so that I may be enriched in the reality of knowing Jesus Christ and embrace him as Lord in all of his greatness.”
Philippians 3:7-8 TPT
I don’t know how much more I can add so I’ll leave it here until next time
love T x (feeling rather naked)