size doesn’t​ matter

I’m back!!

Turns out I did not spontaneously combust when I hit the share button on my first blog! Thank goodness because I neither had my house cleaned or matching underwear on (we all know that in case of sudden death or accident that we should always wear matching underwear and have a tidy home)!

No one gave me negative feedback or told me I was wick or stupid. As far as I know, no one said, “who’s yer wee doll think she is?”… and if you did think this, well you’ve missed your chance, so pipe down there Peter!

All my feedback was lovingly positive and encouraging which eased the heavy, fearful feeling I had been carrying about in my heart for months beforehand.

Drama!!  Much, love?  Calm down….

See I had made this a whole big deal and it wasn’t. But, for me, this fear was a real thing.

The Blog I wrote in back October, it took me over four months hit the publish button.

I would love to say that after five years kicking it with Jesus, fear is a thing of the past … at least isn’t that the belief that these Bible bashers have it all together and life is peachy.

Here’s the thing… 

Freedom from fear is a journey you walk through every day. It’s going to be individual to you, so what may take your girl Sadie a nanosecond to overcome could take you ten years walking through similar scenarios time and time again before you kick that bad boy to the kerb.  Be kind to yourself, don’t beat yourself up.

Sometimes the battle is like a big hot wax strip on a hairy winter leg (wink, wink I know you feel me, girl, I know you do). There will be strips that pull all that hair off in one fell swoop. Then there will be times you need to painfully reapply that wax strip over and over again before you get all that hair ripped out.

It does my bap in when people are all “oh yer big girl can handle it.’ like, for some weird reason body size is meant to reflect your inner emotional strength.


It’s just so wrong… just because you’re six foot tall and seventeen stone does not make you more able to slay emotional giants than someone smaller than you. Likewise, just because you’re four foot and six stones don’t mean you need to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and four fluffy towels to make it through life. 

I remember when I was about twenty going to get a tattoo (gasp! yes, yes tattoos and a lover of Jesus, but no judgement here). On my ankle; I know I’m classy as! it was my second tattoo and having a bit of understanding of the pain from my first tattoo, I started to enquire would the boney ankle be more painful than my first (ultra elegant) lower back tattoo.

The tattoo artist told me about the client that had been in before me “a Big Guy” who was over six foot tall and eighteen stones. How he had hit the dirt at the first sight of the needle. 

I didn’t. Not that I’m bragging, or maybe I am; tattoos hurt btw!

But I could have, my fear of the pain I was about to endure was every bit as real as the faceplant before me.  However, the tattoo artist had expected that his fear should be less because of his size.  But the enemy doesn’t care about the size of his victim. size is no issue to him.

Truth is unless we are fighting the enemy with God as our strength we are as good as beaten anyway, regardless of size or status or how many kgs we are benching at the gym.

It won’t matter, what high power, prominent position of authority we hold or how many likes we have on Insta. Or who your Da’s brothers, best friends, uncle is. If the enemy thinks he can mess you up or ruin your purpose he is gonna be all over you like fluff on the velcro strap.

The thief enters only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came so that they could have life—indeed, so that they could live life to the fullest. John 10:10

Wee Dave, the shepherd boy, is a great example of this.  If you don’t know the story of David and Goliath…  Firstly, like what rock have you been living under? 

you’ll find it in 1 Samuel 17.  There is so much I could talk about in this story, it’s one of my favourites in the Bible.  I will keep it short here, but please go read it, it’s so good.

“Don’t worry about this Philistine,” David told Saul. “I’ll go fight him!” Don’t be ridiculous!” Saul replied. “There’s no way you can fight this Philistine and possibly win! You’re only a boy, and he’s been a man of war since his youth.” 1 Samuel 17:32

Here is Saul the King, a well respected, trained and accomplished warrior.  He would have had the best weapons and armour, not to mention a huge army at his disposal.   And he had been bricking it for the past 40 days while his enemy stood taunting him from across the field.  He must have felt like a right muppet when this wee lad from out in the fields weighed in and offered to take out the giant.  Armed with nothing more than a sling, a few pebbles and a mighty God. 

Here is the best part… No,  actually it’s all good, but to stay on topic. With the confidence and assurance he had in God, he told that giant he was going to chop off his head with THE GIANT’S sword!

Then he started running at him,

like at him,.. the Giant

Goliath who had intimidated a whole army. David ran at him. Whipped out the sling, bopped him on the head with a stone K.O’d him with a single stone.

Then…wait for it

As promised took the giant’s sword and cut off his head… wow! 

The very weapon intended to destroy him was what David used to claim his victory… can I get a Hallelujah?!!

“But David told the Philistine, “You are coming against me with sword, spear, and scimitar, but I come against you in the name of the LORD of heavenly forces, the God of Israel’s army, the one you’ve insulted.  Today the LORD will hand you over to me. I will strike you down and cut off your head! Today I will feed your dead body and the dead bodies of the entire Philistine camp to the wild birds and the wild animals. Then the whole world will know that there is a God on Israel’s side.” 1 Samuel 17: 45-46

I spent so much of my life believing that because I was a “big girl” I should be stronger and tougher. All this did was feed the lie. My fear-lie it literally had babies they are called shame, self-doubt, pride, embarrassment, despair. Trying to hide my fear, rather than admitting a situation scared the crap out of me,  had some real damaging effects on my life. 

I’ve missed out on loads of really great opportunities in my life because of fear and all its offspring.  There are things that I put off for years due to fear;  the ripple effect not only impacted me but my kids and family and friends. 

I’d love to be able to sit here and tell you now a sure fire way to kick fears butt. I can’t your journey will be different from mine with the root of your fear caused by a different set of circumstances.

For me not being ashamed to admit fear has brought me a lot of freedom.  It allowed God to surround me with people who I trust, who I won’t feel ashamed or embarrassed with. who will patiently talk me through it. I can now approach God openly in my prayers and ask him for the strength I need to overcome my fears.  I can sit down with my bible and search it for God truth that will overcome that fear.

Is fear holding you back?

photography of person peeking
Photo by Noelle Otto on

Do you try to hide your fear?

Pray about it. Ask God to hi-light some area that you can work on. talk to your friends. There is no shortage of “do not fear” quotes in the bible. 365 of them. That one for each day of the year. so that will keep you busy looking them up.

But be kind to yourself.

Keep Rafting!

Terri x


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